The Beauty of One Holy Communion: Soul Searching Thoughts of a Cradle Catholic

I knelt in my pew after receiving Holy Communion this morning at Sunday Mass. 

My thoughts turned inward as I contemplated holding my Lord and Savior within me, and an involuntary prayer came to my mind…’Heal my soul, Lord. Heal my soul.’ 

Tears came to my eyes as it struck me, that that is exactly what He was doing for me, that every Holy Communion that I worthily receive, is healing my soul.

Wiping it clean of venial sins, giving healing grace and a fresh start for the week ahead. 

What an amazing thing!!! 

Several months ago, I was contemplating my personal and spiritual progress and feeling as if I hadn’t made it very far in my almost 40 years.  

Shouldn’t I be saintlier?  

Shouldn’t I have conquered my weaknesses and gained the patience I lack?  

Shouldn’t I be a near perfect wife and a much better mother, friend and sister? 

Though I may be further along in my progress than I realize (aren’t we always our own worse critics?) I certainly don’t feel like it. 

Well, I guess all I can do, is keep working on it all! 

But out of all the areas of my life that I feel like I need to work on, the one that stuck out to me the most, is the one that we all need to pay more attention to.  

My Catholic Faith.  

In particular, the Holy Eucharist.  

Christ Himself.  

Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity! 

How have I gone all of these years, and not increased my love of the Eucharist? 

How have I gone all these years and grown insensitive to the incredible, indescribable strength and depth of receiving the Precious Body and Blood of My Lord Jesus Christ? 

How could I receive him week after week with the same level of love?  

Never growing more aware or happier to be receiving Him? 

I believed, yes, and knew that I was truly receiving His Body and Blood, but not acting like it.  

My zeal, was tepid, simply because I wasn’t giving my greatest effort to realizing the unspeakable joy of having My Lord within me!!! 

Poor wretched soul…how easily, we cradle Catholics, grow used to Holy Mass and the Blessed Sacrament. 

How used to it all, we are, never giving any more thought to it, or increasing our zeal, week after week, reveling in the reception once again of our Maker and God! 

How could I have been continuing to treat it like just another everyday event?  

Simply because I had grown used to it?  

Afterall, I have been to Mass almost every Sunday of my entire life! 

In my defense, I never doubted His true Presence, I always received Him with reverence and devotion, but often, it stopped there.  

I would devoutly make the sign of the Cross and head back to my pew, kneel and say the memorized prayers that I have said for years, and let my thoughts and eyes wander to who else was going by after receiving communion.  

I was thinking about whether they looked like they were paying any attention to the fact that they had just received Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament, or whether it was just routine… 

Yes, I sat there judging, while I myself was failing to Love Him in the way that I should. 

My dearest Lord…I’m so sorry…. 

So, since this revelation hit me, I have been striving to count every communion as the most precious, life changing event that it can be and is.  

As I approach the communion rail, I pray for worthiness.  

I ask Him to make me worthy to receive Him. Because I know that I am not worthy… 

And then as I go back to my pew, I raise my thoughts to the splendor that resides within me, to the beauty of holding my King in My heart, to the deep joy and love that I can give to Him, because He has given it to me first!  

I keep my eyes lowered, or raised up to heaven and really try to focus on the words of the prayers that I am saying.  

To truly be sincere and to pour my simple love out to my God. 

To really, really, really try to grasp the Greatness that I hold within me…ME!!!  

That He has indeed come to me. 

Day in and day out, we are called to seek Him…but here, He has come to me and I am drawn and called to love Him more and more for it! 

Often times now, after Receiving Him, sweet tears of love and gratitude, threaten to spill over.  

My Lord and my God! 

I must never waste another moment when I could be loving Him.  

I must not waste another Holy Communion.  

I need to revel in the moment of deep love that Christ is showing me.  

To revel in the grace and healing for my soul and my body that He is giving me. 

He is here…love Him.