You are Enough.

I just went through a week of feeling overlooked and unimportant. Like a failure as a mother and as a wife.

That I couldn’t accomplish anything of importance.

That I wasn’t ever going to be recognized as having done a good job at anything.

I felt like I was mediocre, blah, uninteresting, and that no matter how hard I try, I will never reach the goals I set for myself.

I won’t be known for anything amazing, and that I will always be a nobody.

This is not because my husband and my children make me feel this way,

It is because I let myself feel this way.

I let myself get down and discouraged, and begin to believe the lies that Satan wants me to believe.

That I will never be enough, good at anything or anyone important.

Those are the lies.

I let the things I was watching online, of beautiful houses, perfect wives and mothers, incredible people who reach their goals, who accomplish so much every day and have a happy, perfect looking life, get to me.

Every now and then, this happens to all of us wives, and mothers.

We tend to base our self-worth on what we see of other people’s lives. The mommy bloggers and influencers and you tubers, who seem to have it all together.

The joy between them and their children and husbands is something we long for.

After all, we see it in every photo and video clip, so that must be what they have all the time, right?

The aesthetic décor and colors of their home are giving us a little jealousy, the meals that they seemingly throw together for their family, (always on time) are amazing and healthy.

Seeing these things, leads me to ask…Why can’t I be that way? Why can’t I have everything together, organized, beautiful and lovely? What is wrong with me?

Nothing…literally nothing…but the feelings are there anyway.

Try as I might, I feel like some days, I am barely keeping my head above the water of everything that needs me and that I have assigned myself to accomplish.

I’m just trying to get some type of meal on the table, around a meal time, the dishes washed, (maybe), a load of laundry washed and dried, keep the baby in clean diapers and the living room picked up before my husband comes home.

I am just working towards helping the kids to finish their school work for the day, get snacks and drinks for the little ones through the day, read a story or two before naptime, wash some more dishes, maybe do a little writing and make a tiny bit of progress on something that needs to be done.

Somewhere in there, every day or two, I cram in bread baking for our family. And yet, at the end of a day, I often feel as if I accomplished nothing.

I have it in my head that I need to be able to see my accomplishments, like a great architectural building that you can see, feel and walk into.

That I need to be working on something that I can tangibly see and feel rather than doing tasks that I’ll only see the fruits of after long years of hard work (raising kids, anyone?) or tasks that are immediately undone, (washing dishes, doing laundry, putting things away) making them invisible even though I do them over and over.

I don’t have room in my brain or the bandwidth for decorating, the time and sometimes ingredients for fancy meals and though I know I am in a season that is busy and chaotic, this makes me feel less than I am. Less than all the women I see around me.

When I talked to my husband about how I was feeling, he listened well, let me talk and then he commented that I was trying to fix everything, that I was trying to do it all at once, and I agreed…

I do try to do everything at once, or I set expectations for myself that are more than I can realistically accomplish, and then I beat myself down when I feel I failed, instead of celebrating the small victories that I reached.

I get impatient with myself sometimes, because I know better. I know that I should not judge myself so harshly. I know that the externals, do not determine who you are, or even how people actually view you as a person, and yet the desire for being seen, is still there.

I know that these things that I see, that I feel would make me someone important, or recognized for my accomplishments, are not what makes me worthy of love or determines my worth. I am a child of the Most High God, and as such, my worth lies in me being who I am, right here and right now.

Comparing yourself or your surroundings is never healthy for you…but I know that it happens to us all.

Don’t get me wrong. I do know that I am blessed to have this roof over my head. It is cozy and snug, warm and bright. It’s nothing fancy, needs a lot of work, and not just updating, it actually needs fixing, and there are a lot of people that wouldn’t even look twice at owning a home like this, but I don’t mind…mostly. It just makes me feel a little self-conscious sometimes when I wonder what others will think about it when they visit me, that’s all.

We live in a small fixer upper that is lacking carpet on most of the floors. The walls are in need of refinishing and paint, and I don’t mean, just because they are an outdated color. They are actually old and full of cracks and nail holes and strange texture, and there is water damage in the walls that need to be repaired. Why we live here is a story in itself for another day, but this is where we belong right now and we are making it into a home.

I laugh dryly to myself, when I see people online, redoing the kitchen counter tops again, in a kitchen that was redone only three years ago, updating the colors on the wall, (again), buying new curtains, new throw pillows, a brand new couch, just because they want a bigger one and I have to remember, that to them, those things are a need, to me, they are a luxury. When we have money to go towards something, it needs to be a repair, not a cosmetic freshen up.

The life we have chosen, with me as a stay at home mom, while my husband provides for our growing family, makes for tighter finances at times. We have enough, but not for the luxuries that I see people throwing money at all over the internet.

I know this…that enough, is really enough, and having overabundance and opulent materialism in our home is not necessary to make a good home for my family or to give me my worth as a wife or mother.  

But I still feel like I can’t hold a candle to those women that I see online.

Anyone else feel this way?

Society, has made us feel like we need to have it all, that we have to have the beautiful colors and décor that everyone else seems to have, not to mention the perfect kitchens, clothing and conveniences.

But really in the end, are having all those things so important? Do I need to keep up with the Jones’? Can I live happily, gratefully and joyfully in a house that actually does need help? When the meals aren’t perfect and the house is cluttered and the dishes undone?

Yes! Yes I can and I should.

My privilege is to make a home,

not to create a house that is a showcase and looks good to the world.

I’m not bashing anyone who is able to do that, has the resources and time and energy to do so. If you can do it, go for it!

But I know that not all of us do, and that’s okay too. I know that as we fix our home up, I will love each new detail and feel immense gratitude for it, because it is a gift, not to be taken for granted.

I am teaching myself that stressing over not having stuff, is taking from the beauty that I could be cultivating right here with my children and husband.

Instead of focusing on how to make the house pretty, I am working on a shift in focus, to how to make my children smile, my husband content and my heart more beautiful for my God. 

This is a much better way to direct my thoughts.

Women don’t need all the exterior stuff to make them and their family happy! It can be done in a humble home, with little décor, less than desirable walls and unfinished floors.

The love that can be shared, the happy moments that your family has, do not depend on the home surroundings, they depend on you and what you bring with your attitude to each and every day.

Your true happiness does not depend on the extravagance of each meal, or the expensive toys and furnishings, the fantastic and amazing gadgets we think we need to have.

It depends on you.

Your kids and husband would rather have a joyful, happy you, than all the other things that only money can buy.

For now, I am the heart of the home. My heart is meant to love and to serve, to be content, to sacrifice, to portray joy and gratitude for the blessings of a loving husband, having my children around me, my chores to sanctify me and each little bit of fixing up progress to rejoice over.

And that makes all the difference in the world.

When I truly embrace each and every little moment, welcome the difficulties as ways to show love to my God and family, put a smile on my face, and cultivate joy in my heart, then…and only then will I be truly happy!

I do not know what your personal struggles are or what you deal with daily, but I do know that I can tell you…

YOU ARE ENOUGH!

You are beautiful, made in the image and likeness of God, and you are His daughter.

Your worth lies in you. Not how your house, or you look.

It lies in the beauty of your family and the love that you have for them.

Own it!